We’ve been taking an in-depth look at The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman over the last several weeks and we’ve finally arrived at Love Language #5-Physical Touch. Have you taken the time yet to learn you and your partner’s language? If not, you can take the test here. Knowing your partner’s love language can improve the quality of your relationship by showing your partner love in a way that they can understand and accept it. With the Love Language – Physical Touch, it’s not necessarily about sex. In fact, it’s mostly about the day-to-day touches when you’re together. Hand holding, kissing, hugs, a foot rub at the end of a long day are all ways to show your love.
It’s very common for two people to have different love languages from each other so what you may feel as love may be completely different from how your partner feels love. That’s why it’s important to understand how you each feel loved and appreciated.
Communicating with your partner with the love language that they speak will let them know just how important they are to you, and ultimately building a stronger relationship. If you’re showing love for your partner with your own love language, chances are they’re not feeling loved. Instead, they’re feeling misunderstood.
By showing love in a way that your partner can accept and appreciate it will allow them to feel your love each and every day. It takes time and effort to learn your partner’s love language and show them affection in a way they can accept it, yet it’s worth all the work to know they feel your love.
Let’s take a look at the Physical Touch love language. How can you show your love using physical touch?
Love Language #5 – Physical Touch
People who speak the language of Physical Touch simply want to feel your touch. It’s more than sex, it’s the kind of touching that happens in the little moments of life. For instance, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, a shoulder rub, a soft kiss, and a gentle stroke of the hair are all ways your Physical Touch partner will feel your love.
There are three reasons why Physical Touch can be the most important of the 5 Love Languages
It can sometimes be difficult to trust words of affirmation and quality time, gifts, and acts of service can be inconsistent when life gets busy. However, a moment in every day can be spent on physical touch. Touch allows you to connect with someone in a way that no other love language can help you connect. Your partner can feel your love and affection in the way you hold them and how you kiss them. When they feel that love, it builds trust in the relationship.
2. It can be reassuring.
Negativity, chaos, and tension have become part of our everyday lives. There’s no way around it anymore. No matter how hard you try, it will creep into your life in some way. After a long day that has you feeling like the world is against you or you’re never going to accomplish your goals, all that can melt away with a warm, tender hug from your partner. When you need comfort from the world around you, your partner’s touch can bring you back to your place of peace
It can be easy to fake “nice”, yet a touch is much harder to fake. People don’t genuinely touch someone they don’t love. Like Betty Everett sings in The Shoop Shoop Song, “If you want to know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss, that’s where it is.” Touch is honest and truthful, and it can change from day to day depending on the mood of your relationship. Wouldn’t you agree that you hug your partner a little differently when you’re not getting along than when you are? A touch can express how you feel in one single moment. It has the power to change your mood. It can help you recover for an argument or a bad day in a second.
All touch is not created equal and your partner may respond differently to different types of touch so it’s important to know what they like. A hug when you come home from work might set the mood for a wonderful evening together and gently rubbing your partner’s head at bedtime might help them fall into a restless and comforting sleep.
Showing love to your Physical Touch partner can be different every day and even several times a day. Find ways to show your love throughout the day with simple touches that can mean so much.
If you or your partner speaks the Physical Touch Love Language, here’s what you need to know:
- Be in the moment. Just like Quality Time, it’s important to be in the moment when you share a hug or kiss. The more mindful you can be, the more the touch will mean.
- It doesn’t all have to be lovey-dovey. Tickles, pokes, and being playful are ways to express love through touch.
- Don’t assume PDA is OK. Even though your partner speaks the Love Language of Physical Touch doesn’t mean they want it on display for everyone. Your partner may appreciate more privacy. Consider that hand holding may be okay for public displays of affection while kissing is more intimate and should be private.
- Your partner may like different types of touching in different circumstances. For instance, a quick hug or kiss on your way out the door for the day is nice yet holding your partner from behind while they are preparing dinner can be more comforting at the end of a long day.
- Think about how you can incorporate touch into date night. Select a restaurant where you can sit side-by-side and hold hands. Go to a movie theater with love seats. Enjoy a day at an amusement park riding the roller coasters together.
- Make it a daily habit. Your partner needs to feel your love daily and, if they speak the language of Physical Touch, it only takes a moment several times a day to show love.
The most important factor of quality time is giving your partner your complete and undivided attention. For someone who speaks the Love Language of Quality Time, this is how they feel most loved.
Be on the lookout for clues that your Physical Touch partner is in need of some love. If they’re feeling tense, stressed, or just feeling a little blue, a hug from you can help set their mood in the right direction. If Physical Touch is their language, a simple gesture is all it takes to let them know they’re loved and appreciated. It helps to bond your relationship with trust and lets your partner know that no matter what happens out in the world, they’ll always come home to someone who loves them.
The simplest gestures at just the right time can mean the most. A hand to hold or a gentle rub of the back can calm a Physical Touch person when they’re feeling anxious or stressed. A cuddle on the couch or being held as you drift off to sleep can make a bad day good again. A touch can bring peace during a stressful time in their lives. Never under estimate the power of your touch to your partner. Sometimes, a soft touch can be the only bright spot in a rough day.
If your Physical Touch partner is protective of their privacy, be aware that public displays of affection may not be appreciated. Keep your touch to a minimum around other people or your partner may not accept it the same way they otherwise would. Holding hands or a gentle touch on the arm or back may be acceptable, yet a full hug or kiss may not be. Know your partner well enough, and read their response to your touch, to know what’s appropriate and what’s not.
It’s also very important to respect their wishes when it comes to touch. If your partner is upset, they may not want to be touched at that moment. If they don’t and you try to hug them, they’ll tell you they don’t want a hug. Respect that and understand that a touch is an invasion of their personal space. Sometimes they may wish to have that space respected.
Now that we’ve completed our look at The 5 Love Languages, it’s important to determine what language you and your partner both speak so that you can communicate your love in a way that will be well received and understood. Communicating to your partner in their desired love language will strengthen your relationship and help you feel more connected to each other.
If you missed the previous posts about Words of Affirmation – Language 1, Acts of Service – Love Language 2, Quality Time – Love Language 3, or Receiving Gifts – Love Language 4 be sure to check the blog to learn more about them. And if you don’t know what your love language is, you can take the test at The 5 Love Languages website.
If you want some extra help in the relationship department I can help. Call today for a FREE consultation 970-682-4405 Until then listen to the whispers…