Do you ever feel like you and your partner just aren’t on the same page?  Do you feel like you’re not being understood?  Or maybe that you just don’t seem to understand each other?  That could be due to the fact that your personality types are different and you don’t communicate in the same way.  Myers-Briggs testing helps you to determine your personality type so that you can better understand yourself.  It may also help you understand and communicate with your partner better.  Here are the different personality types the test determines:

  • Extravert/Introvert: This refers to where you focus your attention and get your energy. Extraverts are focused on other people and the world outside of themselves.  They are energized by external stimulation and interaction with other people. Introverts are more focused on their internal world; their thoughts, ideas, and feelings.  They get energy from spending time alone.
  • Sensing/Intuition: This refers to how you prefer to receive information. Sensors gather information in a detail-oriented and factual manner. They tend to be practical and remain in the present moment. Intuitives are usually more abstract in their perceptions.  They tend to think more about meaning, connections, and possibilities. Intuitives are usually more imaginative than realistic.
  • Thinking/Feeling: This refers to how you make decisions. Thinkers make decisions based on facts or data; they like to think things out in a logical manner. Feelers make decisions that are consistent with their values and help to build harmonious relationships.
  • Judging/Perceiving: This refers to how you organize your life. Judgers tend to want structure, schedules, and plans. They like clear expectations and they feel accomplishment from completing tasks. Perceivers like an open-ended, spontaneous and flexible existence. They like to feel that their options are open and that there are several possibilities available to them.

When researchers started analyzing couples’ satisfaction, the factors they found that were most associated with happy couples were those that we’ve heard all along: good communication, common values and interests, and the ability to work out their problems calmly and openly. Personality types of several hundred couples were studied and they found that the more personality type preferences a couple had in common, the more satisfied they were with their communication and their relationship.

While opposites may attract, it seems to be easier to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who is similar to yourself. However, this doesn’t mean that you have to find your exact personality type in order to have a good relationship. In fact, the most common pairings are between two people with just two type preferences in common. Researchers also found that some personality types are more important than others when it comes to compatibility, and that some types are more likely to clash.

For instance, extreme differences on the Extravert/Introvert scale can cause significant conflict in a long-term relationship.

The Sensing/Intuition scale seems to play a role in attraction. Studies found that people tend to be drawn to partners who share their preference on this scale. When couples have a Sensing or Intuitive personality type in common, they tend to see the world in a similar way. Couples with the same preference on this scale find it easier to understand each other, and they are more likely to feel like they’re speaking the same language.

While similarity on the Sensing/Intuition scale may determine attraction, long-term compatibility seems to be much more complicated. The last two scales play a significant role in determining compatibility. These scales have an effect on the way we communicate and prioritize our lives, and so they have the potential to cause more misunderstandings, miscommunication, and opposite goals in relationships.

While it may be easier to achieve your relationship goals with someone who is similar to you, it is completely possible to achieve success even when significant differences exist. When couples make an effort to understand their differences, they can turn a problem or conflict into a strength.

Partners with personality differences are able to challenge each other, and they learn from each other in a way that partners with similar personalities can’t. They can also be more effective as a team because they are able to notice and compensate for each other’s challenges.

Recognizing how your partner thinks and appreciating his or her perspective is crucial to a successful relationship. While compatibility research can be interesting and informative, you need to keep in mind that every relationship is different. When it comes to finding happiness in your relationship, the three biggest factors—communication, trust, and respect—can be achieved by any type combination.

Want to learn more about you and your partner’s personalities call me and we can get you scheduled for a session.  This will help with your communication and understanding your partner at a deeper level.  I look forward to speaking with you soon.  970-682-4405 or andrea@witherswhisper.com